You and Your Family Blog

Juggling

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

I feel like an acrobat juggling two kids and a baby — and, of course, the husband — so it’s actually like having four children. I have managed to make it to work dinners, class trips and after-school activities. I am just thoroughly exhausted still. The night nurse is a big help but I just cannot get to bed at a decent time.
I am also trying to catch up and write my thank-you notes for all the fabulous gifts I have received. People must think I am so rude for not writing sooner, but I just couldn’t do it with all the other things. I do hope they understand.

I have stayed away from all dairy foods and Dana is just a happy, smiling little baby. If she does cry at night the first thing Rob says to me is what did you eat today. He thinks I am sneaking out to eat dairy food or something that would not be good for Dana. He must forget that I am the mom and would do anything for my child.
Dana is still not sleeping so great. She does well when she goes for walks outside and when she vibrates in her bouncy seat. She still does not like the play crib. I took her to Marlee and Bradley’s swim meet and she slept for an hour and half through loud screaming and shouting. I have ordered a baby gadget online that you attach to the crib. It plays music and also vibrates the mattress. I can’t wait to get my crib set up and attach this device. Something has to help Dana sleep better.

I still have not lost a lot of the weight that I gained during my pregnancy. I gained a total of 48 pounds. Yikes! I lost 27 so far, and still have a long way to go. I just hit a plateau and cannot drop any more weight. What I really need is to get my energy back and head to the gym. I just have not had the motivation. Maybe now that spring is here and I don’t fit into any of my clothes I will become more motivated. Unfortunately, I cannot diet, which is how I usually lose weight when I need to. My doctor said that if I do, then my milk will dry up — and I do want to continue to breastfeed. I thought that since I cut dairy out of my diet I would lose weight, but that did not happen.

Next week, I am going to really try and watch what I eat and make it to the gym.

Help at Last

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

I hired a night nurse just to help me get Dana to sleep before midnight and to help get her back to sleep in the middle of the night. Sometimes Dana was awake for hours and I found that I was rocking myself to sleep and not Dana. Our night nurse is a lovely woman who is gentle and certainly patient. I have been able to leave bottles of milk for the nurse to feed Dana so that I can catch up on some sleep. The nurse leaves at 6:30 in the morning, which is works out well for me.

I find it very difficult to get Dana to sleep. I have to rock her to sleep in my arms and then put her gently in her crib to sleep and pray that she does not wake up when I put her down. She is actually in a play crib, not a proper crib. Her real crib is at my parents and I have to go and get it. I just have not had the time. It really seems like Dana hates the play crib though. She can sleep for hours in her bouncy seat. She vibrates away in that seat, and can sleep for four to five hours during the day. One night I could not get her to sleep so I put her in her bouncy seat and she slept for six hours. It was her best night ever!

Marlee and Bradley are enjoying her tremendously. Marlee is like a little mama and carries her around the apartment. She is very gentle and careful but I am still nervous when she picks up Dana and walks with her. Through all the sleepless nights and exhaustion and running around, Dana is the best addition to our family.

Amazing Transformation

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

I couldn’t take any more of those sleepless nights. Dana was miserable and screamed all day and night. She was inconsolable, constantly kicking her legs and wiggling in pain. I just knew that something was wrong with my baby. This was not just a fussy baby. I spoke with the pediatricians and they said that she might possibly be lacto-intolerant, and that I should cut all dairy from my diet. I did cut most of the dairy but not enough to make a difference. Dana was still miserable. We went back to the doctor and she recommended that I try her on Nutramigen formula. This is for babies who have a cow’s-milk protein allergy. During the two days she was on formula, I completely cut all dairy out of my diet while Dana became a happy baby. It was an amazing transformation. Dana was happy during the day and sleeping a bit better and smiling. She was happy and not gassy and wiggling in pain. What a difference the formula made. I went to see a gastroenterologist just to be sure that it was not something else. She agreed and suggested that I go back to nursing and just keep a strict dairy-free diet since breastfeeding is the best thing for babies. I was so happy to go back to nursing Dana. My biggest fear was that I was not going to be able to do it again, and that would have made me very sad. Happy baby, happy mother!

Dana is doing better these days. She is just a fussy baby at night that still does not like to sleep in her crib. She would much prefer sleeping in my arms or in bed with me. I don’t blame her. I am much more comfortable than a crib. Being that I am still in survival mode, I still take Dana to bed with me and nurse her till she falls asleep. I figure that I will just have to break these bad habits down the road. You can’t spoil a newborn. This is my last baby, and I want to spoil her. I am so relieved that we figured out what was wrong. I knew in my gut that something was not right. Mothers know their babies the best, and I was right all along. The breastfeeding is going well. Dana weights 10 lbs, 3.5 oz. She is doing great with her weight gain. I now need to work on getting her to be a better sleeper both the day and night.

Marlee and Bradley are doing well and are totally enjoying Dana. They, too, are happy that she is feeling better. Marlee still cannot stop kissing Dana and smothering her with love. Both kids have learned to change her diaper and enjoy giving her baths and bottles — they’re my best little helpers.

Survival

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

I feel like this is my firstborn child. Everything that you are not supposed to do, I am doing. I have been nursing Dana to sleep or nursing her until we both fall asleep in my bed together. I have been rocking her to sleep or letting her sleep in her bouncy seat, stroller or any place other than her crib. It is a matter of survival at this point. I need the baby to sleep so that I can sleep. I am so tired and have not recovered from childbirth, or from having two horrible baby nurses and massive sleep deprivation. I have totally forgotten what it is like to have a newborn. I thought all babies do is eat sleep, poop and cry. Not my Dana. She just cries, screams and eats and poops. At times she is just inconsolable. I can walk or rock her for hours and she just does not calm down or sleep. I have had to wake Rob for help. At times I am just so frustrated, and then I feel terrible for not being able to help her calm down or sleep. Not sure what is going on but I am beyond exhaustion. I have been sleeping during the day when I eventually get her to sleep.

I have no patience for my kids. I feel terrible about this. They are at school all day, and then once they come home all I want to do is put them to bed and then myself. I really don’t think it was like this with my other kids, but maybe it was. It is truly a matter of survival, and I will do what I have to so that I can get through this. Dana is just a very unhappy baby and I am not sure why. My other kids were not like this, and it is so upsetting to see. I think she must have colic. I have tried everything, and nothing works in making Dana calm down or stop crying. At least she is not waking Marlee and Bradley up. I am so sad that my baby is unhappy. I have spoken with the pediatricians and they say that it shall pass. Well, I can’t wait for that to happen.

Nurse Nightmare

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

Baby nurse #2 came and went pretty quickly as well. This nurse was recommended to me through a friend. I checked up on her and she seemed like she would be a good fit for Dana and me. Well, I was completely wrong. She lasted six days and I would have gotten rid of her sooner if Rob had not been going to Toronto for the weekend to visit his son. He begged me to keep her. I suppose so he did not have to feel badly leaving me alone with three children. This nurse complained about what a tough baby Dana was. She also kept telling me to give her formula. That really annoyed me. Clearly Dana was gaining weight and thriving. She just has trouble settling herself and seems to have a lot of wind or gas and is uncomfortable.

I would nurse Dana, and then a half hour later the nurse would wake me to calm her down. I thought the whole idea of a baby nurse is for her to calm and take care of the baby so that I could sleep. This nurse kept waking me all through the night. Then should would sit with the baby in the dark and watch TV. Poor Dana had lights flashing in her face — how could she relax and fall asleep? The final straw was when I gave the nurse some money to go out for dinner one night at 7:30. She came back almost four hours later. She did not answer my phone calls and took advantage of a good situation and job that she had here. I needed help mostly at night and she left and felt no need to come back when I needed her the most. I packed her bags and put them by the front door. She was gone very quickly. I knew in my gut that this baby nurse was not good, and I am so mad at myself for not getting rid of her sooner.

No one will take care of your baby the way that you would. These nurses want to do things their way and are not open or responsive to the mother. I clearly know how to take care of my baby. I am not getting someone else to help me.

Now that I am doing this on my own, I am hoping Dana will feel more secure and become more settled and get into a routine. My babysitter of 7 ½ years will be with me during the week from 7:45am to 5:45. She is a huge help and totally trustworthy. So I suppose that I am not totally on my own. The hard part has been getting Dana down to sleep at night. I nurse her, burp, change her and then I have to rock her to sleep. She has not been falling asleep on her own in her bassinet. No, she has not even been hanging out in her basinet. All Dana wants is to be held. So, I rock her and walk with her till she is asleep, then I tiptoe to the bassinet and gently put her down. She appears to be asleep. I walk five steps away and Dana is awake! I have tried for hours to get her to sleep. I have tried everything to get her to sleep. I swaddle her, and then unswaddle her. I rock her, then sing to her, then walk her and then when I am totally frustrated and ready to scream I walk her to Rob and pass her off to him. He has helped me out a few nights. I feel bad waking Rob, as he has to get up early and go to work. He has been great at helping me out, especially when I have no patience left and I am about to pass out from lack of sleep.

Bradley told me that I have become meaner since I had Dana. I can’t disagree with that comment, although I did try and defend myself the best I could. I am just so exhausted that I have no patience and I probably do lose it on him much quicker than I ever did. I am glad that he was able to express himself and I will certainly try to have more tolerance for my kids. I am also going to try and nap more often during the day when Dana sleeps and the kids are in school.

Marlee can’t get enough of Dana. She wants to hold her all the time and cannot stop kissing her nose and face. She also loves to put her cheek in front of Dana’s mouth and then Dana sucks on her cheek. Marlee and Bradley are thoroughly enjoying Dana and love to help out as much as possible, whether it is giving her a bath, bottle or learning to change a diaper. They mostly love opening her presents!

Dana's First Weeks

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

Well, baby nurse #1 didn’t last too long. All she did was complain about how difficult a baby Dana was. The nurse was not very gentle with Dana either. She was also either on her cell phone all night or listening to music on her cell phone. I think part of the reason Dana did not sleep was listening to all that awful music, plus the nurse had the lights on all the time so that she could read. Maybe if she slept when the baby did, she would have had more patience for Dana. I gave the nurse a night off when my mom and dad stayed over one night. My mom helped me, and Dana did much better. I decided that baby nurse #1 was going to be fired the minute she walked back into my apartment. I did not need someone around who was not going to be helpful and one that complained all the time. Plus, she had attitude to boot.

During my second week home, I was able to make it to my daughter’s book reading class. I don’t know how I managed to make it to school for 8 am, but I did. I also went on two class trips with Bradley that week. It took all my energy to make it to these events. I did not want to disappoint the kids. To them, it seems like all I do is feed Dana and hold her. I guess they are not all that wrong. I have been explaining to them that she is so little and requires more help and attention than they do. Unfortunately, Marlee and Bradley don’t really care about that and just want their mommy around. So, now come all the feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for not taking or picking up the kids from school every day or for missing their after-school activities. I have been trying my best and running around like crazy. I am enjoying my time with Dana and bonding with her. I am trying my best to have it all and be there for everyone. Poor Rob gets home from a long day of work and then he has to be “on” for the kids and then to help me. I know that this is a finite amount of time that things will be this crazy. I am just doing my best to be there for everyone.

Dana is doing well. We went to the pediatrician for a checkup. She gained back most of her weight. She was at 7 pounds, 14 ounces, and her birth weight was 8 pounds, 1 oz. At least I know that I am feeding her enough. I was worrying that she was not getting enough milk from me. I am strictly breastfeeding her and once in a while I express milk and she gets a bottle. She also got a Hepatitis B shot. My poor baby did not like that.

My other baby Josie is not happy at all with the arrival of Dana. I may not have spoken much about Josie, but she was here before all the children and even before Rob. Josie is my 13-year-old cat that I adopted from an animal shelter. She is sweet and completely attached to me. She did not take well to Rob, Marlee and Bradley and is not taking to Dana either. So aside from being awakened by Dana, I have my cat walking on me and kneading my hair all night. She wants my attention too. She wakes me every morning at 4 am to be fed. I have way too many mouths to feed here. If Dana cries loudly and for a long time, Josie starts to walk in circles or pace around me and then every once in a while gives my ankles a bite. I may need to lock her in my office if she doesn’t stop this biting.

I am anxiously awaiting baby nurse #2. Till then, I will muddle through all this and sleep when I can.

Dana's Arrival

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0600

Can't believe that Dana is finally here! I am so happy to have a little girl. My kids were so excited that I had a girl, too. I cried when Marlee and Bradley walked into the hospital room to see me and meet Dana. I was so overwhelmed with emotions when they walked in, and they were a bit subdued. I think they were a bit scared to see me hooked up to an IV, and I certainly was not looking my best. Then they caught sight of their new sister and smiles lit up across their faces. They wanted to hold her and had so many questions. The kids hopped up on my hospital bed and took turns holding her. I taught them how to support her head and to be very gentle. Marlee did not want to let go of her and Bradley was done holding her in about 20 seconds. The novelty had already worn off.

I limited who came to see me in the hospital. This time was just for my family, my parents and my best friend, Laine. I was so exhausted that night. All I wanted was some sleep and sushi, which Rob kindly brought to the hospital for me. It was a long nine months of no sushi and wine. Since I gave birth at 11:42 on the evening of the 18th, I was discharged from the hospital on the morning of the 20th. I was ready to get out of there. I was so excited to dress my live doll and go home.

The kids were excited to see Dana when they came home from school, and my parents extended their trip to stay a bit longer. Everyone was so thrilled about Dana and ready to help out with whatever they could; whether with Dana, the kids or myself. I had hired a baby nurse to help me for one month so that I could catch up on sleep and still be attentive to Marlee and Bradley.

Friends came over all week to see Dana. They could not get over how beautiful she is. Most people thought she looked like a C-section baby. She came out perfectly, no conehead or smooshed face. In between visits and nursing, I did my best to sleep. The nursing is going fine and Dana is doing well. The nights are her fussy time and she certainly prefers being held than hanging out in her bassinet. Who wouldn't prefer that!

WEEK 39

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

It's a Girl!

I have so much to write about. I just have very little time to write these days. The last time I wrote, I was in the middle of contractions. Now I am the mother of a beautiful new baby daughter. Her name is Dana Fay. She was named after my great aunt. She came out weighing 8 pounds, 1 ounce and 21 inches. Glad I was eight days early!

My labor started with contractions on Saturday night and lasted for the entire weekend. They just never got really strong and never progressed to 4 or 5 minutes apart. They would be 7 minutes, then maybe 10 or 12 minutes. It was strong and annoying enough that I could not sleep. I called my doctor to discuss what was happening. I was worried that the contractions would come on stronger and quicker and I would not make it to the hospital on time to get my IV drip of antibiotics. The doctor told me to drink a glass of wine and try and get some sleep. I am sure the doctor was out having some wine and wanted to go home and have a good night’s sleep. He certainly did not want to be in the delivery room during Presidents Weekend. So I drank some good wine and tried to sleep.

Quite impossible when you get contractions — can’t get comfortable and all you can think about is your baby coming and what life is going to be like. All I kept thinking was that I needed to make it through the weekend. I had a few more errands to run and things to do. Most importantly I needed to pack my suitcase for the hospital. My parents thought I was crazy for not having been packed. Sunday, Rob took the kids to a NY Rangers hockey game and I stayed home in bed. I slept on and off for most of the day. I had no appetite, and that never happens.

The kids knew something was up, and they were a little nervous that the baby was going to come out in our apartment. I assured them that it would not happen. Rob was off from work on Presidents’ Day, so he helped me with the kids and then we went out for a nice lunch. The kids played all morning and then went to their tennis lesson in the afternoon. I knew when they left that I was not going to be at home when they returned home. I said good-bye and told them I might be going to the hospital to have the baby, but I would speak to them before bedtime.

As soon as they left, I called the doctor and told him that I thought it was time for me to go to the hospital. He said to go and that he would call ahead and let them know that I was coming. I fixed my hair and put some more makeup on and then we grabbed my suitcase, magazines and pillow and off we went. I had to fix myself up for all the photos that we would be soon taking. The hospital staff was so friendly when I checked in that I thought I was checking into a Four Seasons. I was hooked up to monitors and checked by a staff doctor. I was 3 centimeters dilated and 50 percent effaced. My doctor admitted me and then I was put in a labor and delivery room. I was immediately hooked up to an IV with a drip of antibiotics. I needed to have at least three doses of this drip for about four and a half hours. I then wanted to know when I could get an epidural. No sense in having any pain. Lucky me, I was able to get the epidural immediately. It was not as painful as I had thought it would be.

A few deep breaths and it was over. I was feeling pretty good and very excited to see my new baby. I called my parents and then listened to some music and watched Rob pace up and down the room. I spoke to the kids before bed and told them everything that was happening. They were excited but sad that I was not home with them. I even had to sing them songs before bed, which is something that we do every night. I was just not prepared to sing in front of all the doctors and nurses. After that Rob felt he needed more space to pace and decided to go out for dinner by himself. I just hung out in the room watching the time tick and the IV drip. A bit later on I was given pitocin, which made me dilate pretty quickly. They doctor broke my water and unfortunately there was meconium in the amniotic fluid so we had to have a pediatrician at delivery time.

At 11:30 I was ready to push this baby out. I felt such pressure and excitement. I had to wait ten minutes for the last of the antibiotics. I also got juiced up on some more epidural. I did not want to feel any pain or contractions and I felt like it was wearing off. Well, I had a little too much because I could not even move my legs. I had jelly legs. When it was time to push on the first contraction I could not raise my legs. The second contraction I pushed and by the third contraction at 11:42, I had a beautiful baby girl!

I was so excited. I was truly hoping for a girl and my wish came true. She came out looking a little blue, which was scary. They were suctioning her and finally she let out a bit cry. She was perfect with ten little toes, fingers, a full head of hair and a beautiful face. As most people have said, she looks like a C-section baby since she had no conehead or marks. Rob was in awe and could not get over how little she looked, and thought she looked like Bradley. After the Apgar test and getting her measurements, she was handed to me. It was the most amazing feeling holding my new daughter Dana. It was just as wonderful an experience as giving birth to Marlee and Bradley. I felt so much love for her and feel that my family is complete. I look at her and feel so lucky and blessed to have Dana. I was completely exhausted after the whole delivery. I was able to nurse Dana for a bit and then they took her away to clean and warm her up. I was wheeled up to a new room to sleep. Rob was able to get me a private room on Fifth Avenue with a fabulous view of Central Park. I am sure I won’t have room with a view this nice again. Rob went home to get some sleep. I knew he would not want to sleep in a chair. It was hard to relax and close my eyes. I couldn’t wait for Marlee and Bradley to meet Dana. I could not wait for my parents to fly in from Florida the next day. Finally, I went to sleep and I was the happiest and most excited girl in the world.

WEEK 38

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Last Details Went back to the doctor for my weekly checkup and still nothing’s happening. Not dilated or effaced. I thought for sure that something would be happening by now. No such luck. I will just have to endure at least two more weeks of waddling around, not sleeping and feeling like a slug. My husband, on the other hand, will have to endure a couple of more weeks of my moodiness and commands and raging hormones. I have tons of fun with the kids. They have been enjoying the last few weeks of my pregnancy. They can’t believe how big my belly is and how tired I am at the end of the day. They think it’s so funny when I go to bed the same time as they do. I have been running around with them like crazy to all their after-school classes. I am worried that I won’t get to see them after I have the baby for a few weeks, and I do not want to disappoint them. I have even stored up the energy to take Bradley ice-skating a couple of times this week. I just love getting him all geared up in his equipment. It zaps me of all my energy to get those skates laced up tightly. I have made it though most of week 38 and now I am starting to feel really crummy. I am beyond exhausted and have no appetite. Now that is a rare thing to happen. Something is happening for sure, and I am not prepared. Definitely need to pack my bag for the hospital and finalize things at home. I have my brother Jeff and my friend Laine on call to come look after the kids if I should go into labor in the middle of the night on the weekend. My baby sitter will also come in if needed. I would prefer labor during the day to the middle of the night — not that I get a choice — it would make things easier. Just to give you a sneak preview for next week’s blog: This baby is coming very soon! I am in the early stages of labor as I am writing this. Contractions are coming on, although not too strong yet, and far apart in time. I am writing this at 3:30 am. It’s just impossible to sleep through the contractions even though I am thoroughly exhausted. I am letting my husband sleep a bit. He is totally stressed and freaked out, but, hey, this is all about me now! The end is near and I am sure that I will have lots to write about next week!

WEEK 37

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Bradley’s Boo-Boo The baby is still not ready to come out. I went to the doctor and found out that I had tested positive for Beta Strep. This means that I will have to have antibiotics in the hospital for at least four hours prior to giving birth. This will take care of the infection for the baby. The Strep B does not affect me, just the baby. I most likely got it from eating or drinking something. They usually treat it with Amoxycillin, which is fine for me, but I am not sure that it will be ok for the baby. I am waiting to hear back from my pediatrician. Marlee — and especially Bradley — are severely allergic to penicillin. The baby’s head is down, but just not very low. I know exactly why the baby is not ready to come out. The baby just does not want to come out. The reason is that the baby hears me screaming at my kids and just thinks, “ Who is this lunatic mother that screams and runs around like a crazy person?” This baby has it pretty good right where it is now. It is safe, cozy, being well fed, growing, and has more peace and quiet now than it will when it comes out. With my luck, this baby won’t even come out by its due date. I am still busy getting everything ready for the baby and just organizing my apartment and my life and running around with the kids for all their activities. My children had an ice-skating party one evening last week. I truly dislike going to these activities, as they are just chaos. Bradley is a fabulous skater and quite a good hockey player. This is his true passion. Marlee really wanted to skate with her friends. I just could not get out of taking them to this event. They wore helmets and were very well protected. The accident did not happen on the ice but off the ice. We were getting some dinner and walking to a table when Bradley tripped over chair legs and skates. He fell onto a metal chair and split his head open. My poor little guy was crying. Usually he stops pretty quickly so I new something was wrong. I put my hand on his head and was holding him and when I removed my hand, there was a lot of blood. We took him to first aid at the rink and they cleaned him up and sent us on our way to the ER. We waited for three hours in a disgusting ER in NYC. This has to be one of the worst places to spend time. I was worried about being near all these sick people and the place was filthy. Finally, they saw Bradley and had to staple his head. They really did staple his head. I felt so bad for him. We came home and he just passed out in our bed. He will be fine. I am not so sure I will. These are the things with being a parent that I could just do without. I am sure this is just one of many more things to come, especially with having another child.